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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22760269">It's Criminal</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NalgeneWhore/pseuds/NalgeneWhore'>NalgeneWhore</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Elorcan One Shots [55]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 11:42:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,927</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22760269</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NalgeneWhore/pseuds/NalgeneWhore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff"><p>im also on tumblr @nalgenewhore! (i post there more regularly)</p></div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Elide Lochan/Lorcan Salvaterre</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Elorcan One Shots [55]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1636468</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>It's Criminal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“E, I’m here,” Lorcan called out from her front hall. “How’re you feeling, love?” <b><br/>
</b></p><p>A pathetic groan was her answer, “Having a uterus is ass.” She heard him snort and a couple moments later, he was appearing in the doorway to her bedroom, a sympathetic tilt to his head. She pouted at him and he laughed, entering her room and walking to her side, where she was curled in the fetal position around her hot water bottle. She noticed the shopping bag he had in his hand and nodded feebly towards it, “What’s in there?” Hellas, her dog, lifted his head from where it had been resting on her hip, whining softly.</p><p>Lorcan glanced down at the bag and started pulling out stuff he had gotten her, placing them on her desk. “Diva Cup spray, super pads, the Kodex type, and pantie liners, Midol, you ran out,” he mentioned to her as he put the bottle of pills on her nightstand, just within her reach. “That chocolate thingie you forgot at the store yesterday, remember, you cried when you realized you forgot and the store was closed.” There was a smirk on his lips and that hurt more than she thought it could. It wasn’t funny.</p><p>Tears pooled in her eyes at the memory, “You don’t have to say it like that.” She sniffled and he looked up, his face stricken. “You don’t have to be a massive <em>dick </em>about it.” Hellas barked slightly, growling at his owner’s distress and the source of it, her stupid boyfriend.</p><p>“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that, E, I just-” There was a slight edge of laughter to his voice and it cut deep into her. </p><p>“If you’re gonna be like that, you can just leave, I don’t need someone making me feel worse than I already do about things I can’t control.” With that, she turned to her other side, furiously trying to stop her crying. She despised her period, hated how sensitive she was, hated how every movement had her wincing in discomfort. The hot water bottle wasn’t so hot anymore and she groaned, knowing she would have to get up to refill it and she knew that the move to vertical would make her nauseous and dizzy. </p><p>The mattress shifted and the duvet was pulled up as Lorcan settled behind her, tugging her slowly enough so that she could push him off if she wanted but Elide let him pull her to his chest, his arms wrapping around her waist snugly but not too tightly. “I’m sorry, E. I shouldn’t have said it like that, I know how much you hate your period and I wish I could make it all go away, <em>mahasani</em>.” </p><p>“Och,” she said, her voice thick with tears. “You asshole, stop making me cry.” </p><p>Lorcan laughed and the sound vibrated through his chest and into her back, “Do you forgive me?” </p><p>“Yes, I forgive you,” she said, the smile on her face swept off when Lorcan pulled her hot water bottle away, “What <em>the literal fuck</em> do you think you-” </p><p>He chuckled as his warm hands slipped under her hoodie and pressed into her stomach, exactly where her cramp was. “You’re feisty today.” </p><p>“Yesh, well, shedding your uterus will do that to a gal,” she said, no bite in her words as his hands rubbed her stomach, just enough pressure directly below her belly button that her discomfort was soothed away. Elide sighed and relaxed fully against him, her head falling back onto his shoulder. “Mmm, that feels nice.” Her hands found their way into Hellas’ thick fur, stroking softly.</p><p>“Yeah?” he asked and she felt his smile in her neck. </p><p>“Mm-hmm.” She sighed and her eyes fell shut, “I’m gonna fall asleep if you keep doing that.” Lorcan practically glowed with pride, Elide hardly slept while during her cycle, her pain kept her up even after her meds. “Thank you, baby,” she whispered as she let slumber drag her under. </p><p>When she woke up, the snow was still falling outside and her lamp was casting a soft glow about her room. Her arms were wrapped around Hellas, the Husky sleeping soundly. Lorcan was nowhere to be seen and she was covered in a pile of warm blankets. There was something heated on her stomach and she felt around, realizing it was her electric blanket that she thought she had lost. </p><p>Elide heard someone moving around in the main room of her apartment and slowly swung her legs out of bed, noting the glass of water and two little pill stamped with ‘Midol’. She smiled and noticed her pain wasn’t as bad, electing to leave them there as she stood and put her glasses on before she slowly shuffled out of her room. </p><p>Lorcan was standing in her kitchen, and he turned when she shut her door, the corner of his mouth quirking up. “Hi, there. Feeling better?” </p><p>Elide nodded and approached him before wrapping her arms around his waist. “Yeah, I thought I lost my electric blanket.” </p><p>“Oh, that? I got a new one ‘cause I know how much you loved your old one.” He said it so casually but Elide squealed in delight. </p><p>“You did?” </p><p>Lorcan laughed, “Yeah, you were full-on sobbing when you couldn’t find it.” </p><p>Elide sighed, the sound wavering as tears pricked her eyes again and her throat tightened. “We don’t need to talk about that right now.” He smiled and wiped her tears away, leaning down to kiss her softly. “Ok?” </p><p>“Ok.” He nipped her bottom lip and pulled away, “You hungry?” </p><p>“Fucking starving.” She laughed and looked around him to where there was a plate of grilled-cheese sandwiches and a mug of steaming tea. “How did you know that’s what I wanted?” </p><p>Lorcan grinned and dropped a kiss on the top of her head, “You know, your cravings are really predictable, E. It’s the same thing every month.” </p><p>She pouted and crossed her arms, “I’m not <em>that </em>obvious about it.” Lorcan rose a brow as he passed her her mug of tea, huffing a laugh when she sipped and sighed in bliss. “I don’t care how obvious I am, this tea is worth it.” </p><p>Lorcan chuckled as he grabbed her plate of sandwiches and guiding her to the couch, where there was a pile of pillows and blankets for her. “Sit down, babe. I got something for you.” </p><p>“Oh?” she questioned, scrunching her nose as she curled into the corner of the couch, her tea held securely in her hands, the steam wafting from it fogging her glasses. “What’d ya get?” </p><p>“You’ll see,” he told her as he crouched in front of her TV and joined her shortly after. Lorcan pulled her legs over his lap and rubbed her thigh with his thumbs. </p><p>He turned his head and looked down at her, waiting till she looked up at him and smiled, “Thank you for coming over.” She rested her head on his shoulder, batting her eyes at him.</p><p>“Even though I’ve made you cry, I think, twice now?” </p><p>Elide laughed and nodded, “Even if you’ve made me cry twice now. So,” she put her tea on the coffee table and nestled into his chest, “What’s your surprise?” </p><p>He pressed a sweet kiss on her forehead, “Close your eyes, princess.” She was buzzing with excitement as she bit her lip and closed her eyes, her lashes brushing against her specs. </p><p>She opened them when she heard the first note of the <em>F.R.I.E.N.D.S</em> theme song and she cried out in happiness, “<em>What</em>. They took it off of Netflix, how did you find it, I can’t believe you found it, I’m-” She cut herself off to clap along and then laugh, falling back against him. “I’m so happy right now, you cannot even imagine.” She held his hands to her chest, squeezing them periodically as the show continued to play. </p><p>It had taken him days to find the complete box-set of DVD’s for Elide’s favourite comfort-food show. She had been so sad when Netflix had taken it down and moped around her apartment days afterwards. </p><p>She’d told him she hadn’t cried but he knew that she had definitely burst into a puddle of tears when she couldn’t find it and had ranted to him about how Netflix and Apple were evil corporations that didn’t care about their customers and only thought about making the most money after she had found out that to buy the entire show would cost her over one hundred dollars. </p><p>
  <em>It’s ridiculous, Lorcan! It’s criminal, is what it is, how could they do this to their customers? Why would they do this to me, I’m a good person, I’m environmentally conscious, I’m vegetarian, I don’t have a car and walk or take public transit most places, I am a tax paying citizen, I’m never late to pay my bills, I’m a fucking kindergarten teacher, for Anneith’s sake, my dog is a rescue, why would they do this to me? </em>
</p><p>Now, he wasn’t watching the show at all. Instead, his eyes were on Elide, the woman that he was sure was the one he would marry, the love of his life, the sun to his days, the stars and moon to his nights. His throat tightened as she eventually drifted off, her grilled-cheese left untouched on the coffee table. “<em>Iyótaŋčhila</em>, Elide Lochan.” I love you, Elide Lochan.</p><p>“What’d ya say?” Her voice was thick with sleep like warm honey sitting in a glass jar.</p><p><em>Shit. Fuck, fuckfuckfuckfuck</em>, she had been asleep, she had fallen asleep on his chest and he knew it because Lorcan Salvaterre knew what it felt like to have her sleeping next to him. “I, I just…” he trailed off, his heart slamming in his chest. Elide slowly pulled herself up, her eyes wide and her brows raised. Lorcan bowed his head and rested it on her clavicle, “I love you, Elide.” </p><p>“You do?” Elide’s voice was thick with tears once more and filled with wonder. “You love me?” </p><p>Lorcan raised his head, their noses brushing as he nodded, “Elide Syeira Lochan, I love you.” </p><p>She gasped and her eyes lined with silver. Elide brushed her thumb over his high cheekbone, “<em>Kamav tut</em>, I love you too, Lorcan Ohitekah Salvaterre, I love you so gods-damned much.” His eyes were brimming with tears as he smiled and they spilled down his cheeks and so did hers, “Stop making me cry, <em>bengalo</em>.”</p><p>Lorcan’s lips pulled into a wide smile as he laughed and it was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard as he kissed her slowly, “I’m sorry, E. Will you forgive me?” </p><p>“Hmm, I think I’ll have to think on that, my love, your offences have been rather egregious lately,” she mused, tilting her head up to brush her lips against him. Elide cackled when he stuck his bottom lip out and made his eyes wide and sad. </p><p>“Pretty please?” He pouted and somehow made tears pool in his eyes, though she knew that they were fake. “With sugar on top?” </p><p>Elide huffed in a joking way and rolled her eyes, “Oh, I guess I can find it in my soul to forgive you.” </p><p>“Thank Hellas for that.” </p><p>++++++</p><p><b>Translations</b>: I used Lakota (Sioux) for Lorcan’s mother tongue and Romany for Elide’s!</p><p>
  <b>Lakota:</b>
</p><p><em>Mahasani</em>: Term of endearment, translates to ‘my other skin’ </p><p><em>Iyótaŋčhila</em>: ‘I love you’</p><p><em>Ohitekah</em>: Lakota name that means ‘fierce or war-like’</p><p>
  <b>Romany:</b>
</p><p><em>Kamav tut</em>: ‘I love you’ </p><p><em>Bengalo</em>: Idiot </p><p><em>Syeira</em>: Romany name, means ‘princess’ </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>im also on tumblr @nalgenewhore! (i post there more regularly)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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